Tuesday, December 10, 2019

taking punches

over the last several weeks i’ve taken a few (proverbial) punches. 

first there was this safety thing. basically, an auto accident. could have been so much worse (we’re fine, the car, not so much). BUT my kid was in the car with me (she’s fine). if anything, i continue to be more emotionally shaken by that fact of what. could. have. happened. we got lucky.

then there was this honorary thing. i didn’t get it. but it’s all good, i had low expectations, and wasn’t sure if i really wanted it (until i made the 2nd round of interviews).

then there was this volunteer thing. an extra-curricular activity, so to speak. i was on the fence about it, but gave it a solid go. circumstances out of my control have it in the air. i may eek out a win here, but it won’t be without a bit of drama which makes me question the whole thing.

then there was this friend thing. nearly lost the reigns on a relationship that has meant a lot to me over the years. but we had it out - and while it is not fully resolved - we have a better understanding of each other and will muddle through the rest. 

then there was this family thing. someone i deeply care about is going through some things. but they are far away, and i can’t help them until they can help themselves. i’m watching something happen in slow motion, and it concerns me. but i’m doing the best i can here. 

then there was this career thing. i’d already been thinking more broadly here, but now face an accelerated decision on my side. 

then there was this health thing. nothing life threatening, but nothing (financially) insignificant. a literal, and rhetorical pain. 

here’s where it gets interesting. any one of these things, and definitely the sequence of them should have me more down (e.g. “why me?”).

but here’s the thing:

i’m OK.

i don't find myself not apathetic. nihilistic. or even lethargic. in recent years, my perspectives on expectation-to-outcome has shifted. but the three things that matter most to me in my life...

1. family time.
2. me time.
3. fulfilling projects. 

...are still there. and i think i'm doing alright in all 3 departments (always room for improvement).

any/all of the afore-mentioned developments may or may tax things on my side a bit more, but in the end, they were simply all means to an end (fueling my recently realized “list of 3”). i've got some stuff to figure out, but fortunately have the support (and means) to do so.

in recent years years, i’ve made efforts to shift my personal (and professional) perspective on everything. don’t get me wrong - i still care about what is done 9-to-5 - as well as some select "extra-curricular" stuff in-between - but all of these things hardly define me the way it did in my earlier years. 

to quote a really good rock lyric,

"everything will be alright in the end."

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