MLK. time off.

i'm a BIG fan of Martin Luther King Jr, but this picture just took it over the top for me:

to give credit where credit's due, the fine folks at the impossible cool dug up this beauty.

like many of my fellow American's i got this past Monday off for MLK (sadly, my co-habitant girlfriend did not). how did i honor Dr. King? by sleeping in (i had a dream), marching on the gym, watching TV, and running a few errands. free at last, free at last indeed.

on one of my many such errands i came across a black clerk. i found it odd that i got the day off, while HE had to work. i kind of wanted to trade places, as i think he deserved the day more than i (the same way you give your airline upgrades to soldiers at the airport).
...to be clear, i didn't trade places with him (after all, let's not get TOO carried away)

but that got me thinking about holidays in general, and who "deserves" them. if i ruled the world (often the most fulfilling way to think), here's who i would declare individual/relative holidays for (PTO for sure):

our birthdays: all of us. hopefully that will encourage us to spend the day in reflection on our personal new years.

MLK: i've already covered this one. but what about the other minorities?

labor day: whoever the sub-blue collar minority is in the country. pretty much those who are in the cleaning/gardening/fast food service industry. granted, it would grind productivity to a halt. but that would certainly make the rest of us appreciate them more.

memorial day: those who have lost someone they are directly connected to (not just soldiers). though, sadly, i see this one getting abused. so i propose a 3-5 year limit on your memorializing/grieving (unless they were your offspring/sibling/spouse). after that, get on with your life.

veteran's day: similarly, any returning servicemen should get this one off. they should also get the same free stuff treatment you get when you're out + about on your birthday (shots, desserts, etc). i would NOT put a term limit on this one though.

valentine's day: single people, this one's for you. get out there and make it happen. but again, you get a 3-5 year limit. after that, you're on your own. and you must change your status to "spinster"

halloween: ugly people.

father's day/mother's day: only within the first your kids, aged 5-10. you get to take your kids out of school to SPEND TIME with them. everybody wins!

groundhog day: gardeners. and families of those w/ Alzheimers (if you do not get/appreciate this reference, you can FORGET our our friendship...ha!).

earth day: hippies and environmentalists. they deserve it more than we do.

arbor day: rest of us (see earth day). we actually HAVE to go do something more environmentally positive/sustainable (or better yet, make a lasting change/resolution).

other nationalities: each nation should declare to the U.N. what day the people of their nationality (of which i assume there are significant immigrants in this country) should get off. ie, India would give "Indian Independence day" OR Gandhi's birthday; China would give "Chinese New Years"
...in order to qualify, you'd have to be 1/2/3 generation of the given nationality, and/or at LEAST 1/4 of the nationality.

other religions:

as we're in a Judeo-Christian country, Christmas & Easter are the priorities, despite there being many non-practicing Christians (NPCs). i think the intent is to get them to think more about the practice of their faith on these days. the result? Creasters (look it up, it's a term!). regardless, we all get the day off; similar to NPCs, the intent is to get us to simply "observe" (which i do with gifts, family, food, and candy). but what about

but i would hope the other major world religions could get their big days recognized - so here's what i propose. depending on the SIZE of your religion, you get 0/1/2 days off in the year (but you have to forego Christmas + Easter.

Judaism: Rosh Rosh Hashanah/Yom Kippur (let's be clear, Hannukah is not as big a deal for them).
Islam: Ramadan/Eid.
Hinduism: Diwali + one floating one (since there's way too much variation on the next biggest)
Bhuddhism: Parinirvana, or Nirvana Day (Mahayana).
Atheism/Agnosticism: you don't get anything off. sorry, (y)our choice.

ALSO you're allowed to switch out your holidays on a per-year basis. but hopefully not as a matter of convenience, but rather so you can spend time exploring/learning about other faiths. but your employer is allowed to make you write a paper on what you learned/did (pictures optional).

your thoughts on other holidays, comedic or appropriate? because that's all i've got.

hopefully i've offended no one and everyone at the same time. please send all your hate mail to Hugo Chavez, because we can all agree, that guy sucks.