Wednesday, March 17, 2010

green things that are the awesome.

given the day, i've decided to list some green things i find awesome:

Green Lantern:
he has a power ring that allows him to do pretty much anything he can will. fly. create energy constructs. translate stuff. talk to people far-far away. change clothes. oh, and he's a member of an intergalactic police corps with a gazillion other sentient beings like him. also, one of my favorite t-shirts to wear (bc it looks like a random simple, and other nerds get it immediately). seriously, how can you question the awesomeness?

Green Arrow:
 like Batman, he has no powers, just raw skill. unlike Bats, he's not psycho obsessed. if anything, Oliver Queen is a total "power-to-the people", "fight-the-corporate-fatcats" lefty liberal that's fighting for the people. nevermind the fact that he used to be a millionaire industrialist (he gave that all up), and the mayor of a town. he runs around in a costume with a bow and arrow. did i mention he's best buddies with Hal Jordan (aka Green Lantern), and they once went on a cross-country road-trip to rediscover the American dream? game, set, awesome.

the Green Hornet:
ok, he kind of sucked. but on his TV show, his partner was Kato (seen left), played by Bruce Lee. and Kung Fu is kind of, no, pretty awesome.

Green M&Ms:
"i hit singles when i eat the brown ones. double with yellows. orange, triples. and with the green ones, i take the ball dowwwn towwn!"
i'm sure you remember this ad from your youth. and then your adolescence, when you learned the real metaphor of baseball and M&Ms. awesome.

Green Trees:
most of them are much older (and bigger) than either you or i. they protect us from the elements - wind, water, sun. they convert CO2 to O2. some of them can even make food! and if no one's around when one falls in a forest, they don't make a sound (how considerate). this is the only awesome environmental reference i'll make in this post.

Kermit the Frog:
i shouldn't even have to explain his awesomeness, bc i know you agree. next awesome, please.

Green Eggs & Ham:
 "I will eat them in the rain.
And in the dark. And on a train.
And in a car. And in a tree.
They are so good, so good, you see!
So I will eat them in a box.
And I will eat them with a fox.
And I will eat them in a house.
And I will eat them with a mouse."
Even beside a possum, 
I like them bc they're awesome.
"And I will eat them here and there.
Say! I will eat them ANYWHERE!"

the Green Revolution:
seriously? a democratic protest of the recent sham-elections in Iran? i kind of wanted to wear my own green armband to show my solidarity with their awesomeness (and what they faced in the sheer un-awesomeness the Iranian government displayed back).

Green Blood:
 because Vulcans have it. and it's logical how awesome they are. law of transitive awesomeness applies here.

Granny Smith Apples:
delicious, and nutritious too. since i was but a wee lad (like how i did that for this post?) these puppies have always been my favorite (not to be confused at the produce aisle with their lesser cousin, the Golden Barficious). mostly because of their intense sour flavor that beats any piece of candy. and that, kids, is pretty awesome. 

Green Eyes:
let's face it, they're pretty exotic/hot, especially for those of us ethnically  predisposed to brown eyes (242,325,526 years from now, we're all going to have dark skin, black hair, and brown eyes). a related funny (awesome) story though. in high school, i decided to get a free sample of green contacts. one day, after a run, a (blonde, female, attractive) friend stared deep into my eyes, and the following exchange occured:
friend: "whoa, you've got green eyes!"
me: "yep."
friend (looking closer): "no way! those are green contacts!"
me: "nope."
friend: "i can see the circles around your eye!"
me: "well they ARE contacts, but clear ones. i actually wear brown contacts normally, bc my parents are ashamed of my green eyes. they got too expensive so i stopped getting them."
friend: "really?!?"
me: "yep."
she then started telling others about my eyes and parents. unfortunately, it all came crumbling down when i it was time to throw out my sample green contacts. also, there was immediately a sharp decline in my own personal awesomeness, to which i credit my immediate decline in success with the ladies, which was never regained until i got my Green Lantern t-shirt.

alright, that's all i got. time to go find some green beer. 

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