Wednesday, April 02, 2008

raman's [theory of] evolution.

ok. i'm just going to put it out there.

whether or not you believe in evolution, you have to acknowledge the human body is a pretty cool contraption. in fact, animal life in general is (created or evolved, though i will vehemently argue the latter). just go watch the BBC documentary series Planet Earth.

but that's not the point. neither is this: animal life has certain physical traits the serve some purpose, or fills some symmetrical, logical pattern, right?
most herbivorous (prey) animals (ie, deer, horse, cows, etc) have their eyes on the side of their heads to better detect predators along a wider peripheral of vision. most predators have sharp, almost fang like teeth ("canines," wolves and humans alike) to devour meat.

most creatures in the animal kingdom are symmetrically built, straight down the middle. that's what makes sagital cuts at exhibits like "Body Worlds" so cool. in fact, humans even have some wacky proportions that strangely make sense. like the fact that any normally proportioned person's "wingspan" (the distance from the end of one arm to another, when held out) is roughly equivalent to their height. that's some pretty cool stuff you got there mother nature.

so let's take this a bit further (
get ready for it. this is what it's all been building up towards):

each of our index (pointer) fingers is EXACTLY proportioned to fit up the nostril of our nose - for optimal nose-picking activity.

it's ok. you can try it. i'll wait.


no really, give it a shot, no one is looking.


oh come on! like you've never picked your nose!

it fits right in doesn't it? not too loose, not too tight, just a perfect snug.

but this only HALF proves my argument. now try sticking your finger up someone else's nose. it doesn't work! it's probably important that you ask permission first, and it won't hurt if that "someone else" is a loved one (significant other, sibling, etc). i'm not going to wait around for this one, but it's sure to bring lots of fun to your household.

now, don't try this at work. i am NOT responsible for the loss of your credibility/employment.
i've had this noodling around for about a year, revealing my epiphany to my girlfriend, sister, and roommate (the core of my social group). they all thought i was crazy. and then they saw the light. i figured i should put it out there now, for all to see, before some upstart academic publishes a study and claims they came up with it first.

take THAT science!


  1. This is a chicken-or-the-egg type of argument, Raman, and is perhaps more environmental than evolutionary. You've been picking your nose for as long as you've known about your finger and your nose...probably since you were one. And you've most likely been using your index finger to accomplish this, right? So perhaps it's more likely that your nostril has been expanding to accommodate the growing size of your index finger and that's why it's always been a perfect fit. What came first, the finger or the finger-sized nostril?

    About evolution, since you brought it up, have you noticed that people who don't believe in evolution tend not to actually understand it? Curiosity many people do you know personally who believe in Creationism/Intelligent Design? Since this is your blog and not mine I'd better contain my comments...but I'm off to rant about ID now.

    By the way, thanks very much! It was particurly difficult to type this comment because my index finger was covered in snot.

  2. it's good to have fans beyond my mom. even though that fan is a traveling ski-bum Aussie.

    i actually concede to ben's point about my accommodating nostrils. all that being said, damn it's cool how perfect a fit that is.

    and i don't know if you knew, but they actually built a creationism museum about 20 mins from my house in N.Kentucky:

    [another thing for you dirty foreigners to go make fun of us "dumb Americans" on]

    the question is (and i'm shamelessly stealing from my comedian buddy Rajiv), why did they have to build it, why didn't it just...appear?

  3. Anonymous10:59 PM

    Whatever happened to the wise old saying...
    "You can pick your friends, you can pick your nose, but you can't pick you friend's nose."
    No way am I letting anyone else jam their finger in my nostril.

  4. You know how Michael Jackson picks his nose? Out of a catalogue.

    Actually I *did* know about the creatism museum, we were making fun of it last time I was in town.

    When I was working in London I said to the guys at work that a buddy of mine (that would be you) lived near the creatism museum and (a little tongue in cheek) that he'd bought a season pass. One of the other engineers said he'd taken his daughters to a similar exhibition in England to prove that you shouldn't always believe what you see what is written down, that you should turn your brain on and make your own decisions. He said they had a right old laugh, as did we discussing the story.

    Then the girl next to me says "I believe it. I believe the earth was created ten thousand years ago". That left the rest of us pretty stunned, what do you say to that? It really damages someone's credibility when they openly admit in ID/creationism.

    I guess we *weren't* all created equal...

  5. This comment has been removed by the author.

  6. You were talking about other ways to make fun of you "dumb americans" when I came across this today I thought you'd get a laugh.

    who needs education

  7. Anonymous10:19 PM

    Ben, I just want you to know that you reference in your comment a "creatism" instead of "creationism". Medically speaking, there is a Creatism, it has to do with being a Creatin,which is a person who is severely lacking thyroid hormone and is made to have stunted mental and physical growth. So, make your own inferences....

  8. Nice one, Mandi! I discovered my typo after I'd posted and there's no way to go back to edit :( So instead it just makes *me* look like the uneducated one ;-)

  9. holy crap. who new nose-picking was such a hot topic. i might just have to dumb down my content to keep the action going.

    either that, or hope ben never finds gainful employment.

  10. Yeah...snowboarding only takes up the first few hours of the morning. That leaves *a lot* (see, Raman, two words ;-) of time for reading blogs. *did* ask me to start leaving comments. Do you feel like you've opened a can of worms?

  11. Anonymous3:30 PM

    I think your finger can also fit snuggly in other places...

  12. hey now! there are kids that read this blog!

  13. Anonymous6:44 PM

    For an interesting summary on the Kitzmiller v. Dover Area School District, read "Monkey Girl" by Edward Humes. It even explains how O.J. Simpson has furthered the Intelligent Design cause.

    And I have had my nose picked by someone else. After getting over my initial anxiety, it worked just fine.

  14. but it doesn't work from EVERYONE derrick. just those special someones...


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